We’re still alive.

December 21, 2012

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It may sound silly but all this year I’ve been super nervous about what may take place on this date. I just don’t do good with uncertainty; the unknown. Death is another that I worry about. Not so much myself though, everybody else. I don’t want to loser anybody that I love. Ever. But this is life and that’s what happens. Sigh.

Jude slept in bed with me last night. He started out in his room but he was still up at 10:00 so I just went in there and asked if he’d like to sleep in “mommy’s” bed. He got a little too excited about it at first and started jumping all over the place. I explained to him that it’s night-night time and we have to be quiet because his brother was sleeping. He eventually settled down after ten minutes or so and passed out. I’ve got to say, I had the best nights sleep that I’ve had in awhile. I’m thinking it’s because both my boys were near me and sleeping peacefully. Elijah even slept most of the night! He only woke up twice to eat. I didn’t enjoy the five am wake up call but it was worth it. Jude hasn’t slept in bed with me in a very long time. I’ve forgotten how much I really do love it. The reason he hadn’t in so long was because D and I just got so used to it just being us in bed. Besides the fact that I end up sprawling out in the middle of the night. If D continues to work this job, I’m just going to have Jude sleep in there with Eli and I. D’s got two interviews on Monday. We’re hoping for the best. Jude misses him so much. He’s been talking about him a lot more and always says, “Daddy’s home!” and runs to the door all excited but then gets all down and out when he doesn’t see D’s car in the driveway. Breaks my heart every time.

Elijah is still sick but he handles it like a champ. Yesterday he was a little cranky but nothing I couldn’t handle. He’s more full of smiles and wanting to roll around vs. being whiney and cranky. He’s such a good baby.

I don’t think I could ever work D’s job for an extended period of time. I’ve done a day or two of home care and helped him take care of his grandmother before she passed but to live with them up until they pass – I just couldn’t do it. The guy that D’s working with is slowly dying. More and more problems have risen and this poor man’s daughter is refusing to bring him to the hospital. Why? Because she wants him to pass. She’s seeing dollar signs and it makes me sick to my stomach. I hope and pray that our children NEVER turn out like that. I’d like to think that they’d love and nurture us up until the day, not sit on the side lines and just watch us wither away. It’s really sad. I feel horrible for this man. But unfortunately it isn’t the first time I’ve seen/heard of this happening and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

D’s father is still pulling his usual shit. I guess the other car we were driving shit the bed (because D’s father doesn’t take care of ANY of his stuff. Including himself. Egh.). Now that’s left is the new standard car that he just bought and he’s already being completely unreasonable about it. I guess he told D that we aren’t going to be using the car and if D needs to get somewhere, he’ll drive us. Keep in mind, D’s parents have two trucks that they can also drive and take the trucks out more than any other vehicle they’ve had. He told D that they need to keep the car at their house just incase D’s mother needed to go somewhere. Um, for one, she can’t drive standard and two, she’s a damn hermit. She drinks her beer all day and stays inside the house. He just doesn’t make sense. Then he asks D if we are going to go to their house for Christmas dinner. D said, “How do you expect me to get there with no vehicle?”. So, yeah. That’s what’s going on. I’m not wrong for feeling the way I do, am I? We are assed out of a vehicle because of him. He decided to use OUR money on a car that had problems to begin with. It just sucks that he’s the way he is. Selfish, stubborn, mean.

I suppose I’m done ranting for the day.
Here’s some photos:

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One Response to “We’re still alive.”

  1. I miss you tons. I updated. Id like to see you soon. That is all. ❤

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