Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.

December 27, 2012

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Christmas was pretty good this year. Jude enjoyed every single second of it and Elijah is still too little to really understand what’s going on but he was still happy none the less. Jude got so many cool toys this year. Including, two train sets, a ball pit, a car, steam and go Thomas the tank engine, new clothes, dream light, trucks, trucks and more trucks! I think he’s satisfied! Elijah only got a few things this year but that’s okay. Next year he’ll be older and we’ll be able to get him some cool stuff too.

It’s been nice having the husband home. He leaves tomorrow morning to go back to Jersey but since the weather is, well, dangerous, I’m going to try to convince him to stay one more day. No job is worth him possibly losing his life or crashing our brand spanking new car. Honestly, I’m getting really bad anxiety about him leaving again. I’m just so sick of it. I’m not myself without him around and it’s driving me absolutely mad. I’m grateful that we’ve been able to pay our bills, get a much needed new car and give the boys a Christmas they deserved but it’s still very hard. Sacrifices, man. They’re a bitch. He had two interviews on Monday which seemed promising but it’s all a waiting game now. I’m hoping and praying so hard that he gets one of the jobs. This isn’t doing our relationship any good and I’ve noticed that it’s starting to take it’s toll on Jude. He’s constantly asking for him and even gets really sad once he realizes that his daddy left again. We tell him that he’s working but in the mind of a two year old, he doesn’t really know. He just knows that his father is gone. To me, it’s one of the most depressing things. Everybody deserves to have their father around. Everybody.

I’m starting to get really depressed just thinking about it all. He’s leaving tomorrow morning and I’m just going to end up losing it just like I did last week. I hate feeling this low. Especially infront of the kids. But I don’t know how to manage this emotion. Not yet at least. I want him to be here so I can kiss him when ever I want, or hug him. Or if I’m having a bad day, have a meltdown and then be cuddled and told “It’ll all be okay.”. I’m missing this. I’m missing the comfort of him sleeping next to me. Him spending time with the kids. Him watching them grow. It’s breaking my heart. But sacrifices, right? Ugh.

We did end up picking up our new car today. It’s a KIA Soul. It’s super cute and fits our family. I’m happy about it because this is the first time we’ve actually gone through a dealership and know that this car won’t break down any time soon. It’s a sigh of relief. Also it feels good to not have to rely on the in laws. Really good.

Anyway, here’s the beaut!

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Here are all the other photos:

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Also – Jude is sick. 😦 I thought he was just tuckered out because of the long day we had yesterday but I checked his temp and it was 100.1. I gave him fever reducer and it finally broke but then once I picked him up, he puked all over me. Yeah, it was pretty gross. But the good thing is that ever since he threw up, he’s been fine. He went about his day playing with his new toys and was happier than ever. I think she just needed to get that out and well, he did.

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