Don’t let them see your fear.

January 3, 2013


Today is my appointment at Albany Med Center to meet with my neurosurgeon. Yes, I’m scared. I’ve stated before in here that I’m just afraid of the unknown. My general practitioner told me that I have arthritis in my back and referred me to this doctor that I’m going to see today. So something is obviously going on, right? My biggest fear is the arthritis progressively getting worse so soon to the point that I might need a wheelchair. I’m too young for this kind of stuff. I also learned that arthritis is hereditary. My aunt has it. I wouldn’t doubt it if my mother does too. All in all, I’m just pacing back and forth waiting to get this over and done with.

Regardless of my mind racing, I’ve managed to have a good morning, so far, with the boys. Lots of cuddles in mommy’s bed and some educational cartoons. Italian nice to be able to sit back and relax with them. Lord knows it doesn’t happen that often so when it does I like to soak it all in. They are the best.

The husband will be home tomorrow night. I’m getting real anxious about that. I miss him so much. I know Jude does too. I’ve finally downloaded Skype and so we’ve been chatting that way. Jude absolutely loves it! He loves being able to see his daddy. When ever we chat on it , Jude does this thing where he needs to show his father ALL of his toys. He’s silly. The husband told me that next week will be his last week working there. He has a few other things lined up. It’ll be so good to finally have him home. Even though he’ll be gone during the day to work, it’s still comforting to know that he’ll be home at night with us. I’ve been missing that greatly. This queen bed is just too big for me to be sleeping in it alone. The only thing — he’s been thinking of all of us moving into his parents house again. I understand why. We’d actually be able to save our money so we can afford our own house. As it stands right now, we aren’t able to save a dime. Everything goes towards rent, electric, cellphone bills, groceries and whatever else we need like diapers and wipes. That would be the only plus to moving in with them. Everything else would be a con, I just know it. His father and I clash a lot and he thinks he can tell me how to raise my kids. He also keeps doing or saying things to the kids (more so Jude) that I’ve told him not to do/say. Actually, nobody gets along with my husband’s father. Even my husband! Oh and my husband’s fathers wife! He’s pure evil. What should I do? I feel stuck and don’t know which direction to go in. I so desperately want our own home but we won’t be able to get there unless we save. Oh, the joys of being a grown up.

Okay, enough for now!


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