Waiting on love ain’t so easy to do.

January 5, 2013

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Today has been a very long, tiring day. For no other reason than that monthly visit from you know who. This month it seems to be so unbearable. As soon as I woke up I was doubled over in pain. This is new to me. It’s usually painless for me and the only symptom I get is sleepiness. Thank goodness lots of family members stopped into today to visit. Gave me time to be able to just sit on the couch for a little and relax while they entertained the boys. My mother has been a great help lately. Today is the day that she also fell in love with Elijah. I mean, she loved him before but she watched him for me (Jude was in his room taking his nap) so I was able to take a hot shower and he fell asleep on her (the above photo) and she just melted. I think I even see her eyes fill with some tears. It’s nice to see my mother bonding with my children. She’s come a long way. She wasn’t the best mother to me. She’ll even tell you this herself. But over the last couple years she’s really cleaned up her act and has become such an incredible person. It’s so easy to talk to her now and we’ve developed such a close bond. The bond I’ve always wanted with my mother but was never able to really get to because drugs always got in the way. I’m so proud to say that she’s clean now and has been for the past two years. What makes me the most proud is just the way she is with my children. She’s so loving and nurturing. A side of her that I wasn’t able to see while growing up. So I’m so incredibly happy and blessed that my children at least get to witness this special side of her.

The husband will be coming home tonight. He usually doesn’t make it here until around 10pm. I’m pretty sure I’ll be passed out before then. Like I stated, it’s been a long and tiring day. I’m sure he’ll understand. He put in his weeks notice with the job he’s currently working at in Jersey. He has a few things lined up here and honestly, it’s a big sigh of relief. It is for me but I think more so for the kids sake. Jude is continuously asking for him and every time it breaks my heart. But it won’t be much longer until he’s home with us for good and we can all exhale in peace again.

My grandmother, the one who raised me, caught a pneumonia again. This isn’t good. She’s a dialysis patient because her kidneys are pretty much failing on her and with those two combinations it’s extremely deadly. I guess her doctor put her on stronger antibiotics but I’m hoping and praying that she’ll get better soon. This whole ordeal is tearing het apart. She wants to just give up and I honestly don’t blame her. She can barely eat anything, she can barely drink anything. She can’t do anything that she wants, basically. It has to be hard. I just keep trying to encourage her to keep going. I’m not ready for her to leave me yet. I know when that day does finally come, I’m going to be a mess. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. I know I have a great support team – my husband, my mother and my aunt but I’m afraid that might not be good enough. It’s a sad situation and I’m just hoping her way of thinking about all of it becomes more positive. She’s the matriarch of the family. She can’t leave us yet.

Yeah, it’s only 8pm but I think I’m going to head to bed now. Goodnight!

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